It's 9:15, and did I get anything done? Of course not. Being on the rebound doesn't mean I can just sit around watching TV and playing on the internet. But when it's time to go out, where do I go? Who do I do it with?
It's a vicious circle... I feel sorry for myself, and then I get angry at myself for feeling sorry for myself, and then I feel sorry for myself because I'm being stupid... Mike thinks it's exciting that I can finally "be myself" and not be tied down by him. But I'm still tied down. Before we met, what did I do? I went to class and then came home and watched movies and played on the internet.
I was talking to Stacey tonight, and she almost convinced me to drop everything and fly to Australia and help her get ready to move back to the States, and then just stay with someone in Oregon until I can get myself a little apartment. For some reason, I got really upset about just the thought of moving back to Oregon. Why should I be upset? Because that would mean total closure to the Mike and Megan Saga? Because I don't want to be near my parents and "friends?" What is here for me? I guess there has to be something, because I can't see myself moving anywhere.
There's a reason why nighttime is the hardest when you're trying to get over something... especially when you're alone in the apartment.