Meggie! (rivulet) wrote,

I'm using one of those weird split keyboard thingies... is ergonomic the right word? Whatever. It's kinda annoying, but I can already tell that it's nicer to my hands.

I think I might go to Oregon soon. Mike thinks he should visit my family and get to know them a little better since he's only met Mom and Dennis once for ten
minutes. I'm trying to get him to come to Christmas with me but he doesn't want to. I don't quite know why. I know that he wants to be with his parents, but it makes
me think that he isn't taking our relationship seriously enough to want to spend half our Christmases at my family's and half at his. I don't know...

On the same note: I'm glad I'm here, but it's hard. I think the biggest thing is that I'm using Mike to fall back on, and I seem to be permanently leaning back now. I
don't have any friends except for him, really, and I am not involved in anything. I just go to work and come home and hope that we get to do something together.
Meanwhile, he's busy and (I'm sure) wishing that I wasn't so lazy and good-for-nothing. It's not that I'm putting myself down, I just wish that things were a little
easier. I just have to find a place where I can meet friends. Work is out because everybody there is either in high school or lots older than me, so I can't spend much
time there... I think I'm going to start going to an Irish step dancing school, but I'm not sure if I have enough money. Then I'd get exercise AND meet people who
have the same interest as me. I'd like to get into a choir too. Now that my car's fixed (kinda... at least it's drivable), I can venture into Minneapolis a whole lot easier. (I
need a new radiator or there's going to be problems!) I just have to find something and DO IT. I still haven't changed my plates or gone to get my Minnesota license.
Of course, I've done lots of other things, which makes me feel a lot more independent and accomplished, but I still have a long way to go. I wish I hadn't looked
forward to being an adult when I was a kid. Of course, I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. (I sound like I hate my life right now... but I
don't! Don't be fooled. I like where I am, but I like where I'm going - and where I'll end up - better!)
Tags: mike, self-reflection
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