Meggie! (rivulet) wrote,

It was quite nice to have today off. It will be just as nice to have tomorrow off. At the same time, my stupid weekend feelings came back, as in "I HAVE to get something done," except it was worse because it's Sunday and Cory has to work tomorrow. So after we spent some time reading, I dragged Cory to a craft store and a fabric store and then all the way into Albany to go to Target. We didn't get anything, but for some reason I just needed to get out. And then of course I felt guilty because he really didn't want to be ferrying me around in the car and then following me while I looked at things in the stores.

I think it's just the change in routine that's bothering me. I hope that's all it is, anyway. Part of me wonders if I don't like this bakery job just because I don't know how to do it and I was spoiled for so long, having a job that I didn't have to think about how to do. Now I feel like my mind is going a million miles an hour and my body's trying to keep up with it, every day at work. That's good in a way, but in another way I just want to be done looking stupid. I hate having to check the price on something fifteen times because I forgot in the process of serving it. I hate making my coworkers drop what they're doing to answer a question or show me where something is. I feel like I'm just slowing everybody down.

But more than that, it's that I'm somewhere new and I don't really know anybody and something is keeping me from getting up to do anything productive, like figure out a time to schedule my placement tests for LBCC so I can register.

And to top it all off I'm feeling like I'm slipping into my old trap in Minnesota - I start feeling down, and then getting angry at myself for whining about feeling down, and then feel more down because I'm angry at myself. I guess I'm not that good at moving to new places or something.
Tags: self-reflection
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