Meggie! (rivulet) wrote,

Gonads and Strife

Today seemed like a complete waste of time, energy, and emotions. I looked for jobs, found a few, responded to some, heard from none. I had conversations that seemed at one minute to be on the right track, and the next minute it fell through my fingers. (Was it something I said?) I got next to nothing done, except I sure made myself feel worse than I had felt when I woke up. I have a lunch date with George on Friday... but I don't really care. I had a pumpkin carving date once, but I'm still waiting to hear back from the other half (third?) of that prospect... I'm trying to decide whether or not to audition for the producer of two bands - I haven't had experience, and I'm not sure how good I'd feel about going into the audition with such a low opinion of my abilities - although how can I say that if I've never tried it? I guess I just don't like new things... All I want tonight is to be happy, and for everybody I've come in contact with lately to be happy. I want my head and my heart to stop battling and know their places and their importance in my life. I want to stop realizing that I'm in the middle of a game I didn't sign up to participate in.

It all boils down to this question: what did I do wrong, and how can I fix it?
Tags: self-reflection
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