access and I don't want to keep running to the library to
Whenever I come across someone's livejournal
randomly, and they talk about losing a boyfriend or
girlfriend, I always think of how pitiful they sound. I
don't know why. I know it's not very nice. But now it's
happened to me. Hope nobody else thinks I sound
Mike and I broke up last night. I could probably add that
it's a trial, that it's more like we're taking a break, but in
order for my heart not to break if we decide never to get
back together, I'm trying to think of it as an actual
breakup. I must now decide what to do about living here.
I will probably go back to Oregon, but I can't live with
either set of parents, and I don't have the money to go to
school unless I try for a revolving account or whatever
they call it. I have a bit of time to think about it. Several
months ago, my mother told me more than once that
when it didn't work out, she would help me get back
home and would let me live with her until I found a job,
and I could go to the college in Bend. I can't handle her
saying "I told you so!" So nobody knows right now
except for Mike's mom, and my sister, and Kelly (a.k.a.
Dandelion) found out because I had to call her and tell
her I couldn't be her roommate if she moved over here.
I've got too much running through my head right now to
really say anything. Besides, the library isn't exactly a
private place where I can burst into tears or anything.
My plan is to keep everything as business-like as
possible, to not let any emotion into it, until it's